Let Me Break Those Tiny Balls Of Yours

This is the rant that doesn’t end,
because you know I’m not your friend.
Some people started bitching about pairings they don’t like,
and they’ll just keep on bitching cuz they think they’re always right.

I get a rise from pissing
Off shipperfags like you
and I’m like
Fuck you
I guess being nice to you guys was a big mistake
And I’m like
Fuck you
And fuck this too!

What’s with the dumbass facial expression? Oh I get it, you’re tired of my ranting and are just dying to go bash pics of your NOTP. Well, tough shit Sugartits, youre’ just gonna have to suffer through one more Sonic pairing rant, along with two catchy yet bitchy songs(first person to guess both songs correctly gets a llama and a cookie!)Remember my Taiream rant? This is the next part. Before I continue my tactful tirade, PLEASE, read this fucking paragraph:

THIS IS NOT AN ANTI-PAIRING OR ANTI-CHARACTER ART. THIS IS AN ANTI-RABID FANDOM ART SINCE I’M AGAINST RABID SHIPPERS OF ANY KIND. I HAVE NOTHING AGAINST TAILSMO OR CHAREAM OR THEIR SANE SHIPPERS; I’M AGAINST THE RUDE ONES AS WELL AS OTHER INSANE SONIC SHIPPERS. IF YOU DON’T HAVE A CLUE WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT OR THINK I’M BEING A BITCH, GET OUT OF MY SIGHT AND GO DIP YOUR HAND IN A SHARK TANK. I SHOULDN’T HAVE TO YELL, BUT SHIT, YOU FUCKERS NEED THE DEGRADATION. AS FOR YOU SANE SONIC SHIPPERS WHO LIVE AND LET LIVE, LET ME LOVE YOU!

There once was an adorable pairing in the Sonic fandom (along with many others), and its name was Charsmo (Charmy x Cosmo). It’s wasn’t a popular pairing, but twas a pretty damn cute one that several Sonic fans (me included) really adored. Sounds good right? WRONG. All of a suddne, these rude, belligerent heathens came about, taunting these fans and their beloved pairing. They used naughty words, trhey used petty death threats. Why they even drew pictures or wrote stories in which the fair maiden Cosmo was killed due to the crime of loving the onery knave Charmy. Many dreadful flame wars and hurt feelings ensued. Twas a dark time for Sonic fans, indeed. Here were the many rude and asinine comments made on Charsmo fans’ artwork and profiles:
“Ew, a plant and a bee can’t be together!”

“ YOU STUPID, CHARSMO SUX AND TAILSMO RULES!”

“they are not a couple”


“Tailsmo is canon”

“ They obviously hate each other”

“Chaream’s better than this crap!”

“Charmy should never be with Cosmo. Charmy belongs with Cream in oreder for there to be real love. Charmny and Cosmo together is heartbreaking to Tails and just wrong. Makes me want to set myself on fire. Srry that I sound mean and all but I love Tails and Cosmo together. Tailsmo FOREVER!!!!” (Lengthy and poorly grammarized bullshit FTW)

“You Cream hater!”

“Tails and Charmy would kill each other over this”

Now let me tell you why all of that’s bullshit as well as your attitudes. Be prepared, your ass will be sore and your feels will hurt:
“Tailsmo is canon”

“ They obviously hate each other”

“Tails and Charmy would kill each other over this”

“You Cream hater!”

“they are not a couple”

How many times do I have to tell you little shits, NO SONIC PAIRING IS CANON?! You idiots sound like broken records when you throw canon into a shipping argument, not to mention stupid and unimaginative. Until Yuji Naka and Naoto Oshima return to SEGA and tell us whether any of your KAWAII DESU OTPs are canon or not, shut the fuck up about it. And even if Tailsmo, SonAmy, Shadria, and Knuxouge were canon, nobody would give two flying fucks. You know why? Because we’re all fans and we can all do whatever the hell we wanna do, that’s why. And if SEGA cares so goddamn much about canon, then why the fuck do Deviantart, Rule 34 (Yeah, I went there), and all the other fanart sites still exist, huh? Why aren’t any of us in jail yet for portraying non-canon things? Why haven’t the DA mods or SEGA searched and fined my ass, eh? Exactly, faggots. Cosmo wasn’t even in the games, so why does it matter which pairing with her is canon (I am only talking about Sonic X and Sonic game canon here, alright?)? At the risk of shitting in even more people’s cornflakes, a real Cosmo fan would love her no matter what, just like with any other character. Look at all the fans that think Sonic should be single or don’t ship him with Amy. They don’t ship him because they hate him, they just don’t think he should be with anyone or with Amy. As much as I like shipping, some characters are better off alone. If you think shipping is the only way you can appreciate a character, then you must not like them very much as characters. So you must really hate Cream and Cosmo simply because of one silly little pairing, huh? Congratulations, you’re now a raging hypocrite and deserve to be treated as such. Try using the “You hate Cream or Cosmo if you ship this” on me now fellas. If you clowns really wanna show me how much you “appreciate” a character, show me one piece from your gallery or your favorites that isn’t about shipping or any kind of romance(in other words, a positive solo character fanart), otherwise, shut the hell up. Better yet, learn to fucking draw so I can at least take you seriously when you do show me.

How the flapping fuck do you know if Charmy and Cosmo are enemies? Granted, Cosmo and the others did catch Charmy spying on them and eventually beat him and the other two Chaotix members up in Episode 59 of Sonic X, but it’s not like they’re sworn enemies. If you recall, Team Rose and Team Chaotix only hate each because of Vector, Amy, and Charmy’s’s big mouths. Big, Epsio, and Cream didn’t even wanna fight, but no thanks to their high-strung teammates, they did. I’m sure if Charmy and Cosmo spent more time together in the show as well as in the games or comics (if Cosmo was in them both) they wouldn’t be enemies. They might annoy each other from time to time the way Knuckles and Amy do (they’re friends as well, folks, don’t be stupid), but they would never hate each other with a passion, nor would they hurt each other. Sonic fought Amy and Knuckles fought Rouge multiple times, yet do I hear anyone saying they hate each other? Do I hear anyone say they fight too much? No, I fucking don’t. Stop using every goddamn fight two characters or a group of characters have as a reason not to ship them or an excuse to make them enemies. A pair/group of characters SHOULD NOT be reduced to lovers or enemies exclusively; there’s a things called friendship guys, acknowledge and use it for once. Or better yet, how about this lovely thing called familial relationships? Look at all the people who don’t ship romantic Shadria, you don’t see them drawing Shadow and Maria killing each other; they think of ‘em as bro and sis or very close friends. I’m the same way with SonAmy (yes I like them better that way, problem?) and Shadouge as well as many other hetero couples people only like romantically/sexually. If you don’t ship two characters romantically or sexually, fine by me, but don’t assume they’re enemies or make them ignore each other just because of that. You look stupid and immature when you do, not to mention uncreative (I’m looking at you, fanfic writers!).

Really now? You think because two children are paired up that another kid will come along and brutally murder one of them for taking their sweetheart away? Do you orgasm at the thought two underaged boys or girls take each other’s life over a silly romance? Psychopathic, much? If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you’re all fucking nuts and call the local loony bin or police department on you. I’ve seen comments like this on both Taiream and Charsmo art. I especially remember one particular Charsmo art/story (Tailsmo happens at the end, fools) that received too many comments like this, even though the pic/fic in question was meant to be light-hearted and humorous. Tails is NOT violent towards others in anyway. And before you bring up his battles, fighting someone who hurts your best friends or tries to rule Mobius is totally different from fighting someone who stole your girlfriend Tails would be mad if some guy put the moves on his girl, but he wouldn’t beat the shit outta anyone for something so petty, and neither would Charmy. Jesus Christ, it’s bad enough you bastards have to make Cream and Cosmo fight and kill each other over Tails, now you’re doing the same with Tails and Charmy? They barely know each other and when they did fight, it was because of their adult/teenaged friends, NOT over a fucking girl. Sonic and Knuckles fight over every fucking thing, yet not once I have seen them fight over Amy, Rouge, or any other girl they’re close to. Tails and Charmy would fight over many things, but certainly not Cream, Cosmo or any girl they might love. May I remind you that Tails and Cosmo are 8 and Charmy and Cream are 6? As cute as ships with either of them are, at that age group, NOBODY cares that much about the opposite gender, let alone wants to date them. They most certainly wouldn’t think of offing another kid who gets “in the way”, either. Please take a course in Psychology (preferably Child Psychology) and get to know some children (real ones, mind you) before thinking, writing, or drawing such bullshit.

“Ew, a plant and a bee can’t be together!”

“ YOU STUPID, CHARSMO SUX AND TAILSMO RULES!”

“Chaream’s better than this crap!”

“Charmy should never be with Cosmo. Charmy belongs with Cream in oreder for there to be real love. Charmny and Cosmo together is heartbreaking to Tails and just wrong. Makes me want to set myself on fire. Srry that I sound mean and all but I love Tails and Cosmo together. Tailsmo FOREVER!!!!”

Like I give a fuck.Sonic the hedgehog is a fucking fictional series, don’t you understand? None of the characters have motherfucking biochildren except Vanilla and Hertia, and we don’t even know what their baby da-I mean husbands looked like. Why Cream’s dad might have not even been a rabbit. And for those of you who do go by the comics, just look at Sonic and Sally’s children. Sonic is a hedgehog and Sally is a squipmunk (½ chipmunk ½ squirrel), yet their son’s a hedgehog and their daughter’s a squipmunk(just like Mommy XD). Do you see where I’m getting at? Nobody cares about whether two different living organisms can mate or not. Most of the times, the kinds aren’t even fucking hybrids, so I don’t understand why you twats would even use this argument. FYI, Seedrians are humanoid plants, meaning they are a lot more animal/humanlike than plantlike, so it’s not bad. Besides, you see tons of inside jokes about bees and flowers being in love on friggin birthday cards and classic Disney cartoons, so why the hell can’t someone actually draw or write that? Boy, for people who despise yaoi/yuri, non-canon hetero, pinups, fanservice, and Rule 34, you sure are a perverted bunch, thinking about mating and shit Why your bigger perverts than the rest of us, admit it, you so freaking are. Shall I show you my secret stash, because you sexually repressed doofwads could sure use it .

God are you shitstains that intimidated by different opinions and interests? Is it really fucking necessary to go to every person’s picture and tell them their pairing makes no sense or that yours is better? Are you so concerned with being popular that you just have to bitch someone out over their art or pairing, especially when unlike you, they can actually draw? Shame on you nitwits, the lot of you. In case you haven’t noticed, THIS IS AN ART SITE. I don’t care how many comments, favorites, or pageviews you get, don’t be an ass because someone draws something you hate, especially if they’re better than you. And NO, filling your gallery with nothing but poorly done MSPaint/DA Muro doodles, base edits, stamps made under 5 seconds, and shipping memes isn’t going to help you earn pageviews or fans. In fact, galleries like that are sure signs of an attention whore, shipperfag, and troll, all rolled up into one, whiny,close-minded, delusional fuckhead with a hint of butthurt. And I know my art ain’t the best, and I don’t like certain pairings ,but I don’t pick fights with fans who draw better than me and ship my NOTPs, or any of them for that matter. I know this sounds hypocritical, but Jesus fucking Christ, if the only reason you’re picking on people who ship your least favorite pairing because of your lack of popularity, then man up and quit your bitching. Fucking make something and be friendly to others if you want more people to know who you are. Better yet, turn off the goddamn pageviews and learn to have fun. If your life outside of DA sucks so much that you have to be an asshat to other fans, especially over pairings, well, you need to get a fucking life and realize the whole world isn’t out to get you. As for the rabid shippers who CAN draw but are still dickish to other shippers regardless of skill, get off your fucking high horse and shut your fucking mouth. You’re no better than someone for shipping a certain pairing, and drawing better than the majority doesn’t validate your doucheliness. And before you attack me further, I AMreferring to badly drawn MSPaint pics or pencil sketches that have shitty, blunt descriptions reminiscent to Weeb Speak, but are actually serious, okay? I personally don’t give a shit how good or bad your art is, or what you draw, but I will use it against you if you are being an ass to me other people about it, understand?

Okay, now you’re just being fucking retarded. Like I said before, PEOPLE CAN SHIP WHATEVER THEY FUCKING PLEASE. Telling someone “Oh but this person should be with this person” or “this pairing makes me wanna hurt myself” on said artwork makes you sound fucking moronic and controlling. Comments like “I may not like this couple, but this is cute” or “I love this even though I don’t ship this” aren’t as stupid or rude, but they are still negative enough to annoy or offend certain artists, especially if they’ve received comments like these over and over again, so check the comments before making one yourself. If you can’t be respectful to an artist just because you hate the pair they drew, then DON’T FUCKING COMMENT. Simple as that, fellas, remember what yo mama and teach told ya. Aww, you don’t wanna sound mean? Well too bad, pal, you just did with your shitty spelling and condescending nonsense. Don’t think that saying “I’m not trying to be mean” or “I’m sorry honey but,” will make you sound polite because it doesn’t. All you’re doing is talking down to the artist and mocking their intelligence when you put shit like that in your comment. If a pairing makes you wanna set yourself on fire, then you need some fucking professional help and adult supervision, FAST. The only thing heartbreaking about it is your blatant fuckery and intolerance. If you hate receiving comments like these on your “art” or profile, then don’t give other people the same kind. P.S. mentioning you’re OTP on every fucking comment you make like this against other people’s pairings not only makes you look stupid, it gives all the other shippers who sail that ship a very bad name, regardless of its popularity.

Again, this is NOT an anti-pairing art, it is an anti-rabid fandom art. I KNOW NOT all Tailsmo/Chaream shippers are like that, thank you, this is against the rabid ones. I believe in attacking the rabid fandom as whole NOT what they support, or individual fans, so DO NOT whine to me if this upsets you. And while this is against a certain group of Sonic shippers, everything I said here as well as my last two pairing rants applies to just about every fandom and its shippers, even the tiny ones. I may be rude, but at least I’m honest when I make these rants, so you gotta give me props for that.  This is my last rant for now anyways, so have fun nursing your sore butt and your hurt feelings. I'll be back with some more later if the fandom starts with me again. P.S.; I deliberately mispelled the word rabid in the picture to mock your intelligence, because I'm that nice.

TL;DR(When do idiots you ever?): Just because you or the majority of shippers dislike Charsmo doesn’t mean it’s a bad pairing, nor does it give you a free pass to act like an idiotic prickbutton about it or towards its shippers. Shipping is NOT life or death, get the fuck over it and learn some manners. You’re not hot shit for dis/liking a pairing regardless of how un/popular it is, and neither are you for talking/writing/drawing about nothing but pairings. The sooner you pricks get this, the better this fandom and we all will be.